do you wish to watch me fall./♥

[Ava Breit]

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Ava sighed anxiously, letting herself fall back against the headrest of her car, eyes closing. Everything was going to be fine. She'd just fake manners, try and sort out these awkward feelings for Ben while he was right in front of her, and get the hell out of this fancy restaraunt, back to where she belonged. She'd have a few drinks, which would loosen her up, and everything would be just peachy again. There was no need to be nervous. The blonde took the keys out of the ignition, and had started to get out of the car before she remembered to check her reflection in the mirror. Hoping to find she looked better than expected, she was sadly disappointed.

It was the first time she'd been truly sober in months. And it showed. The withering girl in the mirror had obviously tried to cover up her suffering skin with makeup and equally apparent boredom with a fake smile, but it all came off as just that ... Faked. Frustrated with herself, Ava flung herself out of the car, taking long strides towards the restaraunt door and out of the cold. Though she may have just been feeling self-conscious, she could swear she felt the judging looks of every customer and waitress in the restauarant. She'd been here before, and tonight, she was a completely different person. After all, who could forget the loudmouthed, unrestrained force of nature that was Ava Breit? They hadn't, and this wasn't her.

Of course, that was the impression she was going for. To be different. It's not that their skepticism really worried her. What had started to eat at Ava is that she could hardly remember the last time she'd talked to Ben without being under the influence of something. Yet again, not like it really mattered .... She just felt that he deserved a better friend.

Because that's what she was at this point, right? The text she received Thursday night said that Ben and Rachel were 'inviting friends to dinner', and that meant she was one of them. So why did she feel like she didn't belong here? Maybe it was the splitting headache that had plagued her since she quit drinking and shooting up last Monday. Everyone here seemed happy and carefree, albeit intrigued with this outsider. They'd probably never had to pop an Advil in their life, much less experience the dragged-out hangover that was dependancy. Ava wouldn't admit it, but all this effort was merely an attempt to make herself what she called 'a better person'. Since it's the company her 'friends' apparently preferred. Whenever she did talk to Ben, he was always with Rachel - imitating an Above the Influence commercial, having the time of their lives without getting high or drunk. If she ever wanted a chance of hanging out with them, she'd have to clean up her act. Not that it was really working. As previously mentioned, Ava was definitely planning on having a few drinks tonight. The ache of withdrawal, accompanied by this similar, unexplained loneliness was too much to handle at once.

Partnered with those feelings was the conflicting emotion of anxious giddiness, the kind a kid experienced on Christmas Eve. Apart from the fact that Rachel would be there, everything about this dinner party excited her, much too much for her own good. It was rather embarassing, actually, the way she walked up to the reservation desk, peering around for the happy couple and friends. The girl that was supposed to be working the front table wasn't there, so Ava decided to just find them herself - more specifically, Ben.

For whatever reason - and she still hadn't determined what it was yet - Ava hadn't been able to stop thinking about him lately. Not in a crazy, obsessed kind of way, no. It wasn't that kind of thing. Just ... considering. Wondering what went wrong after she met him. Ava had returned to that morning at his apartment at least a million times, and realized that hindsight had to be more than twenty-twenty. If that was even possible. All her mistakes were clear as glass now.

They'd hit it off so well - after she accused him of date raping her in a non-date situation, of course ... And then she had to go and overreact after realizing he knew about the Liam situation, instantly fucking up whatever connection she'd previously managed to establish. She tried to make a move on him, and then questioned his sexuality before passing out on his couch without warning. Obviously, she'd managed to fix things somewhat, or she wouldn't be here tonight ... But she knew it just wasn't the same.

He was frustrating, really. Even when she first met Ben, she could tell there was something different about him. Naturally, it was appealing at first glance, like so many other things about him that had been shoved back to the recesses of her mind. And now ... now, this je ne sais quoi or whatever it was that clung to him, was keeping him repeatedly showing up in her thoughts. Unecessarily. Why did she even care?

They were just friends. Just friends. He had Rachel, for God's sake.

And speak of the devil, she'd finally spotted them. Withdrawing from her thoughts, Ava smoothed her skirt self-consciously and pasted her fake smile back on as she approached the table. They were a group of five, not counting herself, a man she didn't recognize, along with two other women and Rachel. For just a moment, the blonde examined Ben's date and idly wondered if he liked the way she looked in that black dress. Probably. She hated to admit it, but the girl was gorgeous. Ava frowned, looking down at her thin frame, draped in a similar dress, and for the first time, felt that she looked like a bag of bones instead of a Vogue cover model. "Hey, everyone." She smiled, attempting to be polite, and feeling completely forced instead. "Thanks for inviting me." She continued to grin stupidly, feeling shy for the first time in a very, very long time. She was sitting between a woman she didn't know and the man she had equal knowledge of. On any other night, she might have been pleased at this - she had a chance at setting up another meaningless hookup - but for some reason, the atmosphere didn't seem quite ... right. She wasn't certain why, or at least she claimed not to be. Though she'd started to think that ... even though it scared her a tad ... She might be hung up on Ben. Who was sitting right across the table from her, dangerously close. She tried not to notice the way his hair fell in his eyes, the way it made her want to push it back. She tried to deny it was true, even though it made sense. Some kind of twisted, semantic sense that only worshippers of the devil could follow, but sense nonetheless. He treated her like a person instead of an object, and she'd always been attracted to people that stood out in a crowd ... At least back in the old days, when Ava actually dated guys instead of screwed them and never heard from them again. And he was forbidden, the number one reason she gave herself for the unexplained ... feelings. She wanted him because she couldn't have him. And if she did happen to get with Ben, it would mean she was just as good as Rachel. "Well, you both clean up quite nicely." She smiled softly at the couple as she picked up her menu, not sure whether to introduce herself to the group or keep quiet. The feeling of detachment followed her like a frantic, drooling puppy dog. Ava was merely an anachronism tonight, not only in a place she didn't belong, but a time, something completely unfamiliar and distant to her. 'Out of her comfort zone' would be a huge understatement.

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RESERVED FOR-- ben (:
WORD COUNT-- 1,341 // complete
NOTES-- i don't know why this is so long ! C:
CREDITS -- images/text banners etc all copyright to their respectful owners. template to mariah at cross fire farmsC:

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[Ben Castel]

she said if heaven's hypothetical and if the cigs keep you
warm, how's she supposed to think about
HOW IT'S GONNA MOVE IN THE MORNING?

Any random person off the street who saw Ben Castel and Rachel Zimmerman together, as they often were on Friday and Saturday nights, would probably first think of what a good-looking couple they were. Both were dark brunettes with refined, typical Anglo-Saxon features. Benny was a good four inches taller than his woman, who was still of above average height, and they were both slim but not in an unhealthy manner. Ben had the biceps men kill for, Rachel the curves women starve for. They weren't close enough in appearance to look related, but they were just similar enough to look as though a photographer had handpicked them for a centerfold on the quintessential modern couple.

Beyond looks, Ben and Rachel seemed to mesh much more easily than most couples did in the early stages of relationships. They'd only been exclusive for six months, but they looked for all the world as if they'd been together for years. They were very compatible; there hadn't been much conflict in the relationship at all, but they weren't constantly agreeing with each other and they never ran out of things to talk about. Their sexual preferences were quite similar, and there was an undeniably physical chemistry between them that made their sex life highly enjoyable for both parties. Beyond sex, the two were often physically intimate, and not in particularly overt ways either. Ben would casually brush his girlfriend's hair from her face, or Rachel would rest her hand on his knee in a way that brought both of them comfort rather than any kind of sexual pleasure. While they didn't need to be together twenty-four/seven, they both felt fulfilled and at ease around each other. Needless to say, Rachel was the best thing to happen to him in a long time.

As if his strong relationship with a beautiful, intelligent woman wasn't enough, the rest of Ben's life was really starting to come together in a way it never had before. His work was going incredibly well; he was only drumming in two bands, but with a much heavier schedule and the intent to choose one to play with permanently. The man's bond with his family was stronger than ever; he visited his mother and teenage little siblings more often than he had in years, and felt closer to his dad. He had even begun to consider his stepmother a part of his life and find a fondness for his young half-sister. Benny's small circle of very intimate friends seemed even more closely knit now, and his bigger circle of close acquaintances was more personal than business related. Things were going well. Really well. Benoit, who had always been a glass half full kind of guy and always would be, knew that this point in his life was what he had been waiting for: a time when he was independent, fully functioning, and truly happy.

This newfound contentment with his life was what had inspired Ben to arrange a bit of a get together for him, his lady, and a few of their friends. It had been spur of the moment, yes, but just ten minutes into the night the soiree was already shaping up to be a nice one. He had made reservations at a semi-upscale restaurant for a late dinner and invited a few friends to meet him and Rachel there for dinner and drinks. On the guest list were Pete, the guitarist in one of the bands Ben was currently playing with; Marissa and Claire, Rachel's two best friends in the entire world; Gina and Miles, the other couple present and the latter a good friend of Ben's; and Ava Breit.

I know, you're wondering what in the hell Ben is thinking inviting Ava to a rather fancy little shindig. He barely knows the girl, and with her reputation for getting drunk and doing stupid shit, he must want this little parade to be thoroughly rained on. Right? Well, not so right, not anymore. After that rather disastrous party where she had met his girlfriend, the two had run into each other again at yet another party, and Ava had been surprisingly sober. She had approached him to apologize for her behavior during previous encounters, they got to talking, and Ben discovered that when she wasn't drunk out of her mind, Ava was a clever and amusing girl to be around. After that they had no more contact outside of Facebook, but they had become...something like friends, I guess. Even Rachel seemed to like Ava well enough, but Rachel didn't seem to have anything but a kind word about anybody. Just one of the things that made Ben so enamored of her. To be honest, Ben had only invited her because she was right under Miles in his Facebook friends, and he had for some reason felt guilty when seeing her name. He'd clicked over to her page and left the invite on her wall, and the girl had taken him up on it.

At this point in the evening they were seated at a rather large table towards the back of the restaurant, where the music from the jazz band playing out front was softened to easy background noise. Everyone present had already ordered a drink, but Ava was not included in that party. Ben assumed she simply wanted to be fashionably late, perhaps make a bit of an entrance. Oddly enough, the man was not worried about this as he nursed his drink with his arm around Rachel seated next to him. He was entirely focused on the funny story Pete was very animatedly recounting to the group. His attention was only broken slightly as his girlfriend reached out gently to straighten his tie and vest, and he smiled at her quickly before adding his own chuckle to the chorus of laughter Pete had inspired. Ava appeared on the scene just as the laughter had died down, and oddly enough Rachel was the one who took the opportunity to introduce her to the group.

“Oh, guys, this is Ava! She's a friend of Ben's, but I don't think any of you have met.” Their guests all nodded or murmured their agreement as Ava thanked them for the invitation and seated herself at the place they'd left open for her.

“Yeah, no problem. You could use a little bit of fun that doesn't end with you needing a ride home for once!” Ben winked at the girl to show that he was only joking around. Rachel took care of responding to Ava's quiet compliment with a genuine “Thank you, Ava” and a smile before adding “You look good yourself.”

Leave it to Pete, who was a bit of a loudmouth, to be the first person to ask a question about the new girl. “Wait, how exactly do you know Ben? Cause I've never met you before, Ava, and Ben and I are best pals.” Ben quickly jumped in to answer in a chivalrous attempt to save Ava from having to say “Well, Ben carted my drunk ass home when I drank until I puked!”

“We met at a party six, seven months back, and we kept running into each other and became friends. Ava's a bit of a party girl, she seems to run in a lot of the same circles as musicians and celebrities.”

That answer satisfied Pete, who nodded and took a swig of his drink, and everyone else in the group, as some of them began talking amongst themselves. It was supposed to be a party, after all.

“So, Ava,” the much quieter Marissa asked as she turned to the blonde seated next to her, “what do you do?” Ah, the easiest conversation starter in the world. Ben casually listened in, curious to see if the girl did anything but party the night away.

[Ava Breit]

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God, had it always been this awkward? The tiny girl tried to remember the last time she'd felt her heart in her throat, or struggled for something to say. She kept trying to talk herself into believing that this was normal, that she'd just never gone out with other strangers before. But she had, and she knew the real reason she felt so awkward and alone at a table full of people. She had an audience. And for once, Ava cared about the impression she left with the two eyes that mattered the most in this room.

It was a bit of a surprise that Rachel had introduced her, but the familiar feelings of jealousy and loathing were right where they'd always been, stirring in the pit of her empty stomach. Ben's jab at her drinking habits and the waiter's inquiry to what she'd be eating wrought similar pangs, making her feel almost nauseous. She never should have showed up. They were in a fucking restaraunt.

But she'd wanted to show improvement. Subtly, but noticeably. And so, she ordered a salad and a Singapore Sling, not sure what she'd do when her food did arrive. Take small bites, she supposed. It'd been less than three seconds after the waiter's departure when one of Ben's friends spoke up, asking about how they'd met. Ava almost had the nerve to shoot him a glare, as if he knew he were treading on thin ice, that he was making her nervousness all the more unbearable. For half a second, the girl feared that she'd be exposed, that her trashy habits of drinking and giving herself away would be spoken of. And then she'd really be forced to leave. It's not that she belonged here, anyway, as she was beginning to realize. The dinner guests just hadn't realized yet.

However, the answer had seemed to please them, despite Ben's description of her as a 'party girl'. "At least be honest with them, Ben."

[/b] Ava smirked lightly, running her fingers through her hair in an anxious habit. "He, uh, had to remove me from the premises. I was causing distress to the general public."[/b] She muttered somewhat amusedly, reaching for the drink the waiter had just placed on the table. She'd work her way to the salad later. Nothing sounded as good as alcohol right now. Food could always wait.

Ava was busily gulping her way down to the bottom of the cocktail when one of the other girls at the table spoke up, calling her attention away from the drink. Good thing, too. She'd started to look a little too ravenous. Where do you work? It was a simple question, but Ava was almost offended by it, in her own little hypersensitive way. As if the thought of her keeping a steady job was hard to believe. Come to think of it ... she could see where the girl got the idea. Her gulping down of the drink hadn't really helped.

So she tried to let it slide, smiling in what she hoped to be a welcoming sort of way. "Oh, I work at a law firm in town. I'm secretary, so I get to screen all the bullshit cases before they get to the big shot lawyers that work at our company. You know, they can't be bothered with a divorce or anything. It's got to be big." The girl shrugged, her opinion of the place coming quite easily, as if she were talking about the weather. The rest of the table would probably feel offended in a way, or at least surprised. She didn't really care. Ava was beginning to feel a little bitter, slightly upset with Ben for throwing her into this situation. He knew these people weren't her type. So why had he invited her? So she could be the standing joke of the night, endless entertainment?

"It's not the kind of job that makes the world go round, like say, being the drummer in a band, you know. But it pays well."[/b] Ava added, smirking at Ben as she spoke, turning pointedly to her salad and forcing a chunk of lettuce into her mouth. It tasted like garbage. And with the way she kept painting on her stupid smile, she felt like Lucy making an ad campaign for VetaVitavegimin. Or something similar that she'd caught on TCM several years ago, when she felt like a flashback to a time she'd never lived in. Ava could be a bit of an anachronism, at times.

Normally, this is the moment when Ava would turn right back around and abandon ship, S.S. Conversation. It was tempting to return to her habit of pushing people away, so tempting, she nearly tried. But as she turned back to her glass and plate of nearly untouched salad, she caught a disapproving glance from Ben, and before it was too late, turned back to the girl. "So, what do you do ... uhm ... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."[/b] Ava smiled gently at the stranger across the table, snatching that last shred of dignity back into her hands, cautiously sipping at her cocktail.


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RESERVED FOR-- ben (:
WORD COUNT-- o,888 // complete
NOTES-- blaaaaaaah
CREDITS -- images/text banners etc all copyright to their respectful owners. template to mariah at cross fire farmsC:

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